1.1.13 Poem R.D.

Every once in a while
When I least expect it
I catch a whiff
Of that $70 cologne you wore
All the time when we first met

And it reminds me
Of the first time you called me
And your mom was tipsy
And singing
And I couldn't wait to meet her.

And it reminds me
Of the first time
You surprised me
By being at my friend's house
When I went there after work

And it reminds me
Of the first time you bought me flowers
And laid rose petals on the floor

And it reminds me
Of your first Valentine's Day gift to me
A single rose
And a dinner of gnocchi

And it almost makes me miss you
And it almost makes me lonely
Until I remember
How lonely I was when we were together
And how backsliding
Wouldn't do me any god

Because I'd come home to
A messy apartment
And leftovers
And the electronics left on
And the laundry washed, dried, but not folded
And kids toys left about

So lonely by my own choice is better
Than expecting someone home at night
And the constant disappointment
When they say, "One more hour.
"One more.
"Seriously, just one more hour."
And then complain because
"You fell asleep with the TV on again
"So why do you complain about the electric bill?"

Being home alone at night
After days of having friends over
Feels alright
I'm trying to find my sweet spot
My happy medium
Between being alone and being lonely
And I think I've almost got it
Finally
And I don't miss you.