I feel I am beating a dead horse, but I am sick and tired of people - men - pretty much only talking to me because they want to have sex. I mean, is it so uncommon to want to be with someone for something more? And to be everything your partner wants you to be without having the ulterior motive of fucking? I want to have a conversation without sex or fetishes being brought up.
"You were the best I ever had."
"I miss our phone sex conversations."
"I want to spend the night with you and see what happens."
NO! Fuck you! If you aren't interested in watching a movie with me and maybe just falling asleep then STEP OFF! If you can't let go because I let you make me feel so guilty for not wanting sex, so guilty I just gave in because I felt obligated; if you just miss the obligation sex then just GO TO HELL! I am seriously SO OVER IT! I may not be the most confident person in the world, but I know myself better now and I am interesting and intellectual and I do not OWE you my body because you chose to talk to me. If you're willing to honestly be more to me than just a penis, then you are much more likely to get a taste of my sexual desires. But if that is your only goal, and you don't even feel the need to hide that fact, then you obviously have no respect for me and I DO NOT NEED YOU in my life.
I used to think having sex was the only way to get people to like you, but I don't believe that anymore. And anyone who buys into that philosophy can take the next exit because I don't need that kind of poison running through my veins. I am over hating myself and changing myself. And if that means I live alone or with friends or with an abundance of animals than so be it. There are worse fates than that.
Someday I will find someone who finds my tendency to be obsessed with unimportant things like TV to be cute, instead of annoying. Or maybe I won't, and I'll be alone, and that'll be okay, too. Cuz who could ever be more tolerant of my bad habits than me? And besides, there are many more people out there who have spent their lives being much more selfless than I ever was, so they deserve that Happily Ever After ending that much more.
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