I feel as though a lot of people in my life fail to observe the fact that I am not the same person I was in high school, or the same person I was when I met Branden, or even the same person I was last week. I am constantly trying to do and be better and it is very upsetting when people fail to see and understand that.
I don't want to go out and hook up with random people. I don't want to live my life for anyone else. People get so up in arms about the fact that I have opinions and judgments on things, but that is my prerogative and everyone is entitled to their own feelings. I'm tired of people expecting me to get mad about things, and treating me like I am stupid. I am tired of feeling guilty for not telling everyone everything, feeling guilty for what I choose to do and who I choose to have in my life. I am sick of feeling like everyone expects me to fuck everything up all the time. I'm tired of people expecting me to be, to do, to react certain ways. I am NOT predictable and I DO NOT want anyone else to tell me who to be. I know I have a lot of things I need to improve on, but constantly degrading me does not help anyone get what they want. Additionally, I cant possibly please everyone so why do you even bother telling me what you expect from me.
On another note, I have observed a number of people being hypocrites and I HATE IT. Saying you want to hang out, but making no effort. Asking for honesty, but not being able to accept it. Maybe that's not all hypocrisy but it's annoying and I hate it.
I hate that I feel I don't have very many people I am completely comfortable around, and those who I feel I can't be honest with get pissed that I treat others "differently". I feel like I am watching my life fall apart and I have no one to help me pick it back up.
:(
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