1.1.11 Memory R.D.

The memory that has been floating around my mind lately is one from a long time ago.  Around 2008.  I was in a weird place, being interested in three different guys at the same time, but also a little paranoid about getting involved.  Well, my friend "A" had just recently broken up with her pretty straight-edge boyfriend and was interested in getting back out into the dating world.  Well, we were sitting in my bedroom and talking about all of this when she asked me if I ever wondered if boys thought I was a good kisser.  And I told her,
"Of course I wonder, but you can't really ask a boy that."
"Well, you could ask a friend."
"Yeah...you could..."
"So, what do you think?  Wanna find out?"  I said sure so I put on some music to make it a little less weird and then we kissed.  Soft at first, but then more and more so we could really rate each other.  We decided we were both adequate kissers and this forever changed the dynamic of our friendship.
We started getting in trouble for how we danced at the school dances.  And we even kissed in school in front of a few boys we liked because we thought it would be funny, and it was.
At the time, I didn't think anything of it.  But I remember I was disappointed when she got a new boyfriend who was not very "open minded" about things so we never went dancing or put on a show for anyone else after that.  It's weird how you can do something like that with someone and not even really see anything wrong with it, and then hear about people killing homosexuals.  I wonder what my mother would say if she ever found out.  I know a few friends I told were pretty shocked about the situation when I told them.  Funny how someone could find this shocking.  Isn't life about finding/creating yourself through experiences?  Well, this was one for the books.

XOXO

1.1.10 Story Ideas R.D.

Ideas for stories I have or thought of writing:

• Three friends investigate haunted houses all across the country:  The Brains, The Bravery, and The Comic Relief
• A murder kills the main character's best friend at summer camp.  The main character cries onto the corpse and brings her friend back to life, thus revealing her mysterious powers.
• A possessed and deadly cat terrorizes and kills it's owners family.
• Story of first love, first heartbreak, and how you never forget, get over, or loose your first love.
• Story of a couple, the guy and addict and the girl very ambitious.  They stay together despite their differences as they watch their world come crashing down around them.
• Story of a girl in love with two men:  The Poet and The Provider.  Also about the struggle of finding yourself as a young adult.
• The story of a girl in love with a boy who may or may not have an incestuous relationship with his sister.
• The story of a young girl in love with a mature man and the difficulties that come along with that.  As well as learning to cope after losing him.
• The story of a girl who ends up gaining parental rights of her ex's daughter after a long term relationship turns sour and he is found to be an unfit parent.
• The story of a girl who overcomes her mother's shame and disapproval and becomes a successful and beautiful adult without her.
• The story of the young girl finding herself wrapped up in a monogamous relationship at 16 and how she grows because if it.
• The story of the lone-wolf female detective and her experiences on, and off, the job.
• The story of a child, molested by her father, who encourages her to molest her brother, and how she stops the cycle of abuse.
• The girl raped by her boyfriend's (we find out later) long lost twin brother, and how the police don't believe her so she finds her own justice.
• The "How to Be in a Good Relationship by Avoiding These Mistakes" How-To book.

1.1.9 A Piece of My Mind R.D.

I feel I am beating a dead horse, but I am sick and tired of people - men - pretty much only talking to me because they want to have sex.  I mean, is it so uncommon to want to be with someone for something more?  And to be everything your partner wants you to be without having the ulterior motive of fucking?  I want to have a conversation without sex or fetishes being brought up.
"You were the best I ever had."
"I miss our phone sex conversations."
"I want to spend the night with you and see what happens."
NO!  Fuck you!  If you aren't interested in watching a movie with me and maybe just falling asleep then STEP OFF!  If you can't let go because I let you make me feel so guilty for not wanting sex, so guilty I just gave in because I felt obligated; if you just miss the obligation sex then just GO TO HELL!  I am seriously SO OVER IT!  I may not be the most confident person in the world, but I know myself better now and I am interesting and intellectual and I do not OWE you my body because you chose to talk to me.  If you're willing to honestly be more to me than just a penis, then you are much more likely to get a taste of my sexual desires.  But if that is your only goal, and you don't even feel the need to hide that fact, then you obviously have no respect for me and I DO NOT NEED YOU in my life.
I used to think having sex was the only way to get people to like you, but I don't believe that anymore.  And anyone who buys into that philosophy can take the next exit because I don't need that kind of poison running through my veins.  I am over hating myself and changing myself.  And if that means I live alone or with friends or with an abundance of animals than so be it.  There are worse fates than that.
Someday I will find someone who finds my tendency to be obsessed with unimportant things like TV to be cute, instead of annoying.  Or maybe I won't, and I'll be alone, and that'll be okay, too.  Cuz who could ever be more tolerant of my bad habits than me?  And besides, there are many more people out there who have spent their lives being much more selfless than I ever was, so they deserve that Happily Ever After ending that much more.

1.1.8 Quotations from Reading R.D.

Some quotations from the last few books I've read include:

"I am beyond full, beyond stuffed.  I have moved beyond need and into abuse and I am comfortable.  My heart and my hands are slowing down.  My senses and the ability to think.  I'm returning.  The nervousness, anxiety, and anger are fading away.  Beyond need and into abuse.  It is nice to be comfortable.  It is nice to be home."
-A Million Little Pieces

"You must be mad, or you wouldn't have come here."
-Alice's Adventures in Wonderland

"The tale begun in other days, When summer suns were glowing.  A simple chime, that served to time, The rhythm of our rowing.  Whose echoes live in memory yet, though envious years would say "forget." "
-The Complete Works of Lewis Carroll

"Life is indeed a drama; a drama with but few encores and no bouquets!  We spend one half of it regretting the things we did in the other half!  And the secret of enjoying it is intensity!  Concentrated attention.  We lose half the pleasure we might have in life, by not really attending."
-Sylvie and Bruno

"Ghosts have just as good a right in every way to fear the light as men fear the dark."
-Phantasmagoria

"I guess he had spent too much time molding me to be different to allow me to be the same."
-One More Day

"I'm in love with you.  And I'm not in the business of denying my self the simple pleasure of saying true things.  I'm in love with you.  And I know that love is just a shout into the void, and that oblivion is inevitable, and that we're all doomed, and that there will come a day when all our lives have been returned to dust, and I know the sun will swallow the only earth we'll ever have, and I'm in love with you."
-The Fault in Our Stars

1.1 Dream by Anna Rae

I dream of happiness.
I dream of joy departed.
I dream of sadness.
I dream of rain.
I dream of sunshine.
I dream of those I hate.
I dream of those I love.
I dream of those who love me.
I dream of lost loved ones.
I dream of the hospital.
I dream of the pain.
I dream of the hurt.
I dream of the meanness.
I dream of hope.
I dream of the future.
I dream of the past.
I dreams of my present.
I dream many dreams departed.
I dream in color.
I dream of despair.
I dream of birth.
I dream of crowns.
I dream of blood.
I dream
I dream
What good is a dream?
What do they accomplish?
They are wicked -
Destroious
Ridiculous
Embroils
Anguish
Melancholy
A dream can good
Or so they say -
Driving force
Remembrance
Embosoms
Achievements
Merriment
For which side you choose
Always dream.
For to dream is a gift.
To dream makes on worthy
of being called a dreamer
To dream
To dream
To dream
To dream

1.1 Memory

Taking another shot, he rubbed his temples and tried to keep the memories away. However, they kept trying to intrude. another shot down and his resistance waned.

"Hey...are you okay?" The voice of his daughter-in-law asked. She was a sweet girl. She was newly married to his step-son. She was a cute little thing with bright blue eyes. He didn't laugh much, but she had that charm about her that got passed his walls.

"Sure...why do you ask?"

"You look upset, Bob." She sat next to him and took a shot herself.

"Just the past is haunting me is all." He smiled.

"Ah...well...I know how that goes." She smiled and patted his hand, "If you ever need to talk...I'm here."

He sighed and removed his hand and took a shot. He never talked about the past...not even to Paula, his lovely wife, but for some reason his lips moved against his will. Perhaps one memory that kept him awake at night needed to be told...

The year of bloodshed, 1944

They pushed past the German front and his platoon was stationed on a hill overlooking a small French town. He didn't get why they couldn't be stationed in the town. But what did a mere 17 year old know? He tossed a little stick and sighed. Tom walked over and sat next to him and asked, "What's wrong, Bobby?"

"I'm outta smokes." He responded. But he never really smoked, he missed civilization.

"Ah, we could head down to the town if you want."

"We're now allowed to?" Tom nodded with a grin, "Then...what are we waiting for?" He jumped up. Tom laughed. Tom was a few years older then him. Tom was the only one who knew all his secrets. Tom was his buddy...the only one who cared about him.

The two of them headed down the hill. Some others followed. There wasn't much in the town. Most of the civilians left when the Germans took over. The town was barren and destroyed, but it was the closet Bob had gotten to civilization in what seemed an eternity. However, they had to be careful, because the Germans still had much of the area occupied. 

When they weren't gorillaing the Germans or sitting on that damn hill, they would make trips to that little town. Weeks passed like this.

Finally, the command was given to move out. The boys packed up their gear and headed down the hill.

"Thank fucking God." Tom said.

"Yeah." Bob chuckled and got behind Tom and in formation.

"We'll have to come back to that town when the war is over." Tom declared.

"Agreed." Bob smiled.

"Drink some wine and sleep in a feather bed in their hotel. If it ever re-opens. Maybe find a nice gi-"

BOOM!

"TAKE COVER!" Yelled one of the men.

Bob fell to his knees and grabbed his gun. He was a little disorientated. Was that a piece of skin on his shoulder? He shook his head and once his ears were finished ringing, he looked over at the carnage in front of him. His face paled, "T-Tom?"

Tom was no more...

An older Bob took another shot, "We went up and down that path a million times...gah. I don't get why it happened to him? Why not me? Why didn't I step on that land-mine?"

His daughter-in-law shrugged, "I'm not sure...I'm sorry though."

Bob shrugged and looked away, "It doesn't matter now...it's just a memory."

1.1.7 Character Names R.D.

Character Names I Have Considered Naming My Potential Children

From:  Law and Order:  SVU
Olivia
Elliot
Casey
Odafin "Fin"
Samiel
Tamara

From:  Boy Meets World
Shawn
Eric

From:  Gilmore Girls
Lorelai
Dean

From:  Doctor Who
Amelia
Rose

From:  Kingdom Hearts
Sora
Kairi

From:  Other
Samara - "The Ring"
Zelda - "The Legend of Zelda"
Darlene - "Roseanne"
Phineas "Fin"  - "Phineas and Ferb"
Aurora - Disney's "Sleeping Beauty"
Donald - Not actually for the character name, but the association would follow

1.1 Story Ideas by Anna Rae

SLAM!
POUND!

"GAH!" The yell of frustration awakens the cat, who glares and saunters off annoyed.

SLAM!
POUND!

"WHY CAN'T I THINK OF ANYTHING!?"

SLAM!
POUND!

The maker of all this noise finally stops slamming his notebook and settles in his comfy, black, rolly chair. The man also known as William, is not an extremely good looking man, even when calm. His hair is his best feature and his eyes are his second. The rest is forgettable. However, along with his golden hair and chestnut eyes, his mind is sharp and his writing hand even sharper. A man like him can be found in a local coffee shop or sitting on a bench at a park looking fashionably bored. His clothes make poor men weep. For one that normally has a cool reserve, why is he freaking out? Why did he annoy his cat with all the slamming, pounding, and hollering?

He has gone where no writer likes to be...where writers quit and the weak perish...

Writer's Block Central.

It is a place where story ideas can not be found. Where story ideas are lost. Where story ideas do not flourish and wither and die. One might call this place the cemetery of story ideas. Every writer has stumbled here before. William, though, never has. This day is the first day and he seems to be struggling with this fate...this poor writer. This really must hurt William's pride.

William rubs his eyes and looks out the window in dismay. He must be torn up in the inside. He lets out a huge sigh. After a moment or two, he pulls out his cell phone and shoots a test to his friend and fellow writer. The name of the friend is Yvonne. He sits and stares at the phone. More then likely he is waiting desperately for a response. 

Finally, it cones. It reads, "Calm down, William, it happens to everyone. Come over and we'll clear your mind."

William allows a half-smile crawl to his face. He is obviously pleased that Yvonne will aid him in "clearing" his mind, so his story idea can be formed. 

1.1.6 Fantasy Conversation R.D.

One last conversation with my dad?
No.  Because the deep down and honest questions I want to ask I am not allowed to bring up.

A job interview for the perfect job in the perfect place?
No.  Because I don't even know what my dream job is.

Oh!  I've got it:

"We are here today with Samantha Peters, better known by her pseudonym Reece Darlene.  The author of the best selling novel, "On the Rocks".  Welcome, Samantha."
"Thanks for having me."
"So, first and foremost, what inspired you to write this unique and provocative novel?"
"Real life and bad relationships."
Applause.
"So was everything true in the book?"
"Oh no!  Ha ha, there were parts that were true, but most of it was just projection and exaggeration."
"Interesting.  What made you willing to share such intimate moments with the world?"
"I feel life is meant to be shared.  Honestly, I can only start writing based off of something I know.  I'm not a person who can pull a plot out of thing air."
"Well you did a great job formulating one Hell of a storyline."
"Well, thank you."
Additional comments made, perhaps and excerpt read.  I blush with excitement and anxiety.  Then in an act of god, an up and coming move producer confronts me about making my book a movie and I nearly faint.

1.1.5 Rough Draft Letter R.D.

Dear Codependency,

Please, I beg of you, just stop.  Your need to be needed all the time is getting in the way of what you really want.  Your self-destructive habits (while not through self harm) are dangerous and enough is enough.  What happened to you?  When did you go from making your own decisions to making none?  Then again, I don't remember the last time you made a decision based on your own wants and desires.  Why is that?  Why did you do any of the things you've done?  Do you have any self respect at all?  Do you want the people you claim to love to respect you?  Or do you secretly like all the degrading?  Does it make you just depressed to find refuge in useless things and just angry enough to want to prove them wrong?  More the prior than the latter as far as I am concerned.  I remember the last time you were angered or inspired enough to do anything.  Why did you give up on yourself?  What rewards were you reaping that were so grand you allowed yourself to wear blinders for three fucking years?  Don't you remember how disorienting it was when you were a child and you put no the cart bridle for your horse and you had no peripheral vision?  Why would you accept that as a lifestyle?  You cart pony.  You pack mule.  Why do you flinch at the idea of human contact?  Why are you so anxiety ridden at the thought of taking care of business on our own.  It's your troubles that need to be dealt with after all, so who do you expect to hold your hand?  I mean honestly.  What happens when life happens and death strikes again and you don't have someone to turn to anymore/  You are not as pathetic as you try to make yourself out to be, so just stop.  Do better, try harder, and be the person you want to be - the person you started to  be back in 2010 before you let something as natural as death break you down.  Get over it, and get yourself together.  I won't be around forever to make you see your true potential.

-Independence

1.1 Piece of Your Mind by Anna Rae

Generally, I'm a bottler. I bottle things in and don't express how I feel. I don't give someone a piece of my mind like they probably deserve. However, once the bottle inside me is full...I explode. It may be over something tiny and not explode-worthy. Once in a while, I explode on someone who doesn't really deserve it.

My "exploding" ranges. Sometimes I'll cry and be angry; for some reasons tears like to leak when I'm angry. On rare occasions, though, I turn into a devil. I yell and insult and punch walls; I very well can't punch you, can I? But yes...I have a temper my biological father would be proud of. It is one trait I gained from him. Limited people have actually seen and witnessed this. My poor parents and 2 friends have seen this sad event.

I really need to learn not to bottle my emotions. It's bad for the psyche and for the person who will cause the explosion. When one really and truly deserves to get a piece of my mind, I should bestow that. Granted, it'll be done calmly. It's also healthy for relationships to be honest and share your emotions. Unless it is petty. Like when a certain lover of mine leaves dishes on the floor. I want to strangle him, but I ignore it and don't confront him, because it is indeed petty and not worth my time.

I really have been wanting to go to therapy and help me out with this and other issues I have bottled up in me. Luckily, work has 5 sessions for free for their employees. I really feel and know bottling is my biggest issue.

1.1 Quotations from Readings

With a content smile, she shuts the book. Another good journey she had undertaken. This author hasn't let her down yet. She sits there with her smile and lets the story settles in her mind. 

A gentle caress runs down her neck and a deep voice asks, "Did you enjoy your book, ma cherie?" His voice was touched with a drizzle of French. His mother had been brought over to America by his father.

She sighed, "It was good."

She could hear the smile from his words, "Good." He then kissed her head and rubbed her arms softly. His hands slowly trailed down to her hands. She took a deep breath and a small moan escaped her lips. This caused a small chuckle from his cupid lips. Slowly, she stood from her reading chair and lead him to the bedroom. He willingly followed. They slowly undressed each other and took their pleasures from each other. After what seemed an eternity, they cried out their release. He rolled to the side and fell asleep. However, he kept one arm draped over her side. She smiled and looked at her left hand and at the sparkling diamond. She still couldn't believe they were engaged. They had been together for so long and she never thought it would happen.

Slowly, she crawled out of bed and made her way to her reading chair. The book she just read still was sitting on the arm piece. Quietly, she sat down and opened her book and flipped through all the quotes she highlighted, because she liked them and it meant something to her. She then flipped to the last page and she read the last quote from her readings over and over. 

"And they lived happily, ever after."

1.1 Character Names by Anna Rae

Being at the age of an adult who has an option to birth a child, names are always on my mind. Heck, when I was a wee thing I not only named my stuffed animals, but I would think of names for my future children. Why? Well, having a good name is essential for the child. Not only does it reflect the child, but reflects you.

For many, including myself, many names that are created are inspired by a character from some show or movie or book or even a game. One of my friends has picked a character name from one of his favorite villains for his unborn child. Granted...its a good and cute name, but mainly because I know the background for the name. Others may not...there a million other things they'll think she's named after. This is not okay. He really should have thought about it more. I really don't care he named her what he did, but I feel bad. I like the idea of naming a child after a cool character you adore.

Hell...I have some names I would possibly like use:

-Henrietta
-Xena
-Diana
-Peter Parker (or just Parker)
-Iago
-Geoff
-Merry
-Robin
-Clark
-Irwin Wade (or just Wade)

There are some others, but those are my favorite. Some of them are good and some I don't think I'll be able to use, because the name is too out of there, my spouse may  not like the name, or it just may cause problems. Naming a child after a character really does need careful planning and a great deal of thinking. For example, if my current boyfriend and I had a child we would give him (in this case) the last name "Peters". Well, I couldn't very well call our son Peter Parker Peters. Lame. Also, the name Merry for a boy (though the character is a boy) would cause hurtful teasing. Those are just a couple example. As it can bee seen, be careful what character names you use for your child.

Imagery

What makes writing interesting to the reader? What captures a reader’s attention?

Images painted with words make the reader feel as if they are there in the story. The best way to do this is to engage the senses by describing taste, texture, smell, color, and sound.  There are several different ways to create imagery in writing. One can use metonymy, synecdoche, personification, metaphor, or simile. Hyperbole, oxymorons, and puns are also good at catching a reader’s attention.

But you have to be cautious about using clichés, because all though they technically fall under some of the aforementioned categories, their common use in day-to-day language may actually cause the reader to lose some interest in what you’re writing.

FYI
- metonymy is when something is represented by another thing associated with it (ie, crown standing for King)

-synecdoche is where a part stands for the whole (ie, "all hands on deck" hands refers to men)

- personification is when human characteristics are given to non human things

- metaphor is a comparison using is (the woman is a rose)

- simile is a comparison using like or as (the woman is like a rose)

- hyperbole is an exaggeration used for effect

- oxymoron links two contradictory words

- puns are plays on words also used for effect

Happy Imagining

1.2.5 Things I’ve Lost

Things I've Lost

Purses, keys, shoes, socks, pens, lovers, babies, self-respect, self-esteem, poems, notebooks, ability to speak Korean, friends, homes, needles, pencil sharpeners, remotes, batteries, chargers, phones, games, movies, vocal range, flexibility, thoughts, earrings

A Line about Everything

Purses are only useful if they can carry your entire life. Keys don’t always unlock the right doors. Shoes should all come in my size. Socks are basically useless in the summer, Pens are one of the world’s biggest exchange programs. Lovers who don’t love you are just fuckers. Babies are miraculous, even when they’re gross. Self-respect is a big part of one’s identity. Self-esteem issues shouldn’t exist; everyone should know their own value. Poems get too wrapped up in rhymes. Notebooks are jumbled messes of human byproducts. Foreign languages should be easier than they are. Friends shouldn’t forget how to talk. Homes get lost in bad memories. Needles are everywhere, just not in haystacks. Pencil sharpeners aren’t as conveniently located as exits anymore. Remotes are a lazy man’s best friend. Batteries rule the world. Chargers should be universal (get with the program, Apple). Phones are too smart for their own good. Games cease to exist when you forget how to play. Movies set you up for disappointment. Vocal ranges are trickier to develop the second time. Flexibility decreases with age in all parts of the body, but especially in the mind. Lost thoughts linger on the edges of consciousness struggling with their self-worth. I never liked cherry earrings until he gave me a pair.

A Paragraph about One Thing

            I lost my self-respect slowly, over several years in a bad relationship. Everything was my fault. Everything was my job. I felt more like a servant than a partner by the end. And then I spent the next several months fucking anyone that was willing and had tequila. I’m never sure if that was me hitting rock bottom, or building back up…

1.1 Fantasy Conversation by Anna Rae

"Hello?" I would answer the phone. Slightly annoyed as I see who is calling. However, I am excited deep in my hearts of hearts.

My dad's very Californian accent would reply, "Hey, hon." However, his normal carefree sound to his voice would be replaced by a sound more sad, so I would ask what's wrong. There would be silence on his end for a while and I would ask if he's still there. He would say he was. However, the silence would continue for a while.

"Dad?" I would sound worried.

"I need to talk to you." He would say.

"Alright."

"I need you not to say anything, because this is hard for me, ya know?"

"Okay...I'm listening."

There would be a huge intake of air and a couple noises of clearing the throat. "Okay," He would begin, "First off...I want to let you know I love you. I always have. You are my baby girl. My princess. I know I've been a rotten person and father these last 21 years. I-I'm sorry."

"Dad-" I go to say something, thinking he's done.

"NO...just listen...please." He cuts me off.

"Okay..."

Again he inhales, then he would continue, "In a way I'm glad your mom found Mark. You deserve a great father like him. I was not. But I'm glad you had him. I'll admit I'm jealous, because I have no right to want to dance with you at your wedding or walk you down that aisle. I gave up that the moment I signed my name and I legally lost you. I regret it now. At the time I wanted the best for you and giving you to Mark was and is the best. He raised you right.
             
I'm so sorry for everything I did and didn't do. There are no excuses I have to give you. I should have been a real man and go after my wife. I should have fought for my family...but I was weak. Yes, I love Rhonda with all my heart, but she'll never take the place of your mom or you.

I regret ever wishing you were a boy. I love my little girl, but I didn't deserve you. I truly and utterly screwed up. I know that no matter the words I say it will not make the past go away. I know I hurt you and your mom. i know of all the hate and resentment you have for me. God...I wish I could take all the pain away. I do. I really do.

I should've visited you when you were in the hospital, I should came to all your birthdays, and had you come to me for the occasional holiday. I failed you. I did and it kills me inside. I don't deserve your forgiveness, hon, but I just wanted to let you know I love you and I'm sorry. I really, truly am."

The phone would then say that the call is ended and I would be left holding my phone to my ear. My cheeks would be stained with tears and my mouth left agape and quivering. After a while, i would call him back and tell him I forgave him and loved him too.

However, no such conversation would ever occur. Even if I were to become engaged and invited him to the wedding. Who knows, though? Maybe a huge event like that may open his eyes and heart. Especially with the knowledge that Mark will be walking me down the aisle...not him. Who knows? Sometimes a fantasy may come true.

1.1 Rough Draft Letter by Anna Rae

Dear Future Me,

I know it seems silly for me to be writing you, but I know you're giddy on the inside to be getting this little letter. That's why I'm writing, because you need it.

I'm not sure where you are or what you're doing. I'm not even sure how many years have past. It doesn't matter, because I know you're trying your best. If you're not I'll kick your ass. I hope you found your place, because I'm longing for it now. I hope you found a job that isn't dealing with food anymore. Maybe you are a teacher or something that you love doing - like writing. I do hope you've continued to write, because not only do you love it, but you are good at it. Damn your pride and humbleness. You are good at it.

Anyways, I rather not say this, because it's totally cliche....but I shall...

I hope you are happy. I really hope you are not settling for second best. Living a life where you are not happy is no life at all. Be happy Carole.

<3Carole (2013)

1.1.4 Longings R.D.

"On nights like this, I could drive forever."
"What's wrong?"
Nothing.  That's the point, don't you see?  Nights like this, seventy-six degrees Fahrenheit, clear air, no sun, and a soft breeze - they make me long for something more.  Not out of envy or anger, out of bliss.  I could drive to the ocean, or to the Wast Coast, or to Washington.  I could explore and stand on two state borders.  I could visit new places and meet new people.  Who knows?!  Nights like this make all of that seem possible.
I don't even feel guilty.  I don't think about mom being left alone, or my friends being mad at me, or how much would gas cost, or would my car survive the trip.  I don't think about job security - you can get a job anywhere.  And so what if my phone dies and I don't have a charger and my stuff all gets sold at auction.  Where I'm going, people won't know me and I won't have their opinions of my past haunting me so I don't need the memorabilia or the nostalgia.
So anything you want you can keep.  Besides, four of you have keys, so go ahead, keep the place clean, would ya'?  Rent is due on the first.  Between you it'd only be about one-hundred dollars each, so go ahead and have at it.  I'll let you know if I'm coming back through to visit more local attractions, although I doubt it.  Don't think too hard on the "why", the night inspired me and fueled my longing, so I just kept on the freeway like I had started.  I'll make due, and so will you.  Worse things have come between us than distance.  We've had fights and boys and life.  So we'll make it through this, too.  Hell, we almost drowned once, and yet here we are.  Don't mind the miles they're just minor roadblocks.  I just needed some time to soothe my soul, but once it's done I'll come back home.  You know I don't want to miss the homecoming game and all that.  I still have some pride in this small town we call home, so don't worry.

1.1.3 Lists R.D.

All I want is to have someone to lay my head on their lap and watch a movie with them, without them complaining about their knees getting stiff, or complain about getting a hard-on.

I want to have someone be willing to pick me up, and take me out, and drive me back home, and not complain about gas money, or complain about me falling asleep in the car after a long day.

I want someone who's first thought in the morning isn't about how long they should wait until asking for a sexual favor.

I want someone who doesn't expect anything from me, other than expect me to be myself and to be happy.

I want someone to build a life with, to create goals with, to share accomplishments with.

I want someone who isn't preoccupied with sex.  Maybe someone who is preoccupied with work, or having a family, or reading good books, or watching underrated movies.

I want someone who has more than just three things in common with me.

I want someone who doesn't get annoyed when I want them to hang out with my friends.  I want someone who has friends I look forward to hanging out with.

I want someone who appreciates animals enough that, even though it may not be the most practical decision, doesn't roll their eyes when I say I want to get a puppy/dog/pet.

I want someone to defend me, regardless of who is right, when I'm arguing with someone else.

I want someone to help support me when I need it, and accept support when they need it.

I want someone who doesn't think these desires are too demanding.

1.1.2 Overheard Conversation R.D.

"What did you think of our school?  Best thing you ever saw, huh?"
"Yeah, it was nice."
I don't mean to be petty but:  dad and daughter, indulging in frozen yogurt, talking about the small tings in life; it breaks my heart.
It's not the same as being the third wheel to a couple who can't keep their hands off of each other, but it is just as distracting.  This is the first time I've ever been really, truly envious of someone's relationship with their dad.  Not because I can't do those things with my dad anymore, but because I couldn't be bothered to try when he was around.
We spend our adolescence hating or being annoyed by our parents instead of taking any time out of our days to appreciate them and whatever it is they do for us - even the annoying things.  Like the day my dad drove to the school the day of a dance and called me because he was convinced he left his cigarettes in my car and needed me to come and unlock it.  Instead of laughing at my dad's quirkiness and being flattered by his concern, I was annoyed by his inability to trust me.
Maybe if I had asked dad to spend some time with me outside of the shop he would have felt more appreciated and maybe things could have gone differently.  Thank God mom pushed us to do the dancing thing, even if it didn't last very long because I got bored and lazy and denied the sparkle in his eyes when he was dressed and smelled of cologne and was ready to go.  I denied so much, and took so much for granted, which I guess is always true.
This girl is gonna regret one day that she talked more than listened to her dad on their "daddy/daughter" dates, and she'll never realize just how much these little things mean until she doesn't have them anymore.  That's how things are when it comes to life and death, even when someone can envy what you have, it is still never enough once you know you can't have it anymore.
I miss you dad.

1.1.1 Observation R.D.

I feel as though a lot of people in my life fail to observe the fact that I am not the same person I was in high school, or the same person I was when I met Branden, or even the same person I was last week.  I am constantly trying to do and be better and it is very upsetting when people fail to see and understand that.
I don't want to go out and hook up with random people.  I don't want to live my life for anyone else.  People get so up in arms about the fact that I have opinions and judgments on things, but that is my prerogative and everyone is entitled to their own feelings.  I'm tired of people expecting me to get mad about things, and treating me like I am stupid. I am tired of feeling guilty for not telling everyone everything, feeling guilty for what I choose to do and who I choose to have in my life.  I am sick of feeling like everyone expects me to fuck everything up all the time.  I'm tired of people expecting me to be, to do, to react certain ways.  I am NOT predictable and I DO NOT want anyone else to tell me who to be.  I know I have a lot of things I need to improve on, but constantly degrading me does not help anyone get what they want.  Additionally, I cant possibly please everyone so why do you even bother telling me what you expect from me.
On another note, I have observed a number of people being hypocrites and I HATE IT.  Saying you want to hang out, but making no effort.  Asking for honesty, but not being able to accept it. Maybe that's not all hypocrisy but it's annoying and I hate it.
I hate that I feel I don't have very many people I am completely comfortable around, and those who I feel I can't be honest with get pissed that I treat others "differently".  I feel like I am watching my life fall apart and I have no one to help me pick it back up.

1.1 Longings by Anna Rae

I see you looking at me.
You see me looking at you.
How dare you try to tempt me
You devilish chocolate covered cookie, you!
Yesterday you may have beat me,
But today I will resist you!
Stop staring at me!
I so do want to eat you...
How dare you try and tempt me,
You fresh and warm cookie
All filled with steamy chocolate chips....
I can feel the drool forming...
I can feel myself standing.....
NO!!! You will not tempt me!
You will not win.
It is me
Who will win!
I stand and you think you won me.
But I walk away and say,
"Yesterday you beat me,
But today I am victorious;
tomorrow my longings for you may overcome me,
but today is mine.
So eat THAT you yummy cookie you."

1.1 Lists by Anna Rae

It was that time of the month again. Time to collect the scrapings of money she worked tooth and nail for day after day. It seemed cruel in a way that she has to gather her hard earned dollar to pay all the bills on her list. Thirty dollars there, fifty there, one hundred there, three hundred here, and other small amounts for things she didn't necessarily need, but it made this life of hers worth living. The small bills on her list were her only solace.

With a sigh and heavy heart she 'x'ed off each bill off her list as she removed the money from her account balance. A raid is what it seemed. "The huns have invaded!" She joked to herself. The smile and inner laughter didn't last long when all the bills on her list were 'x'ed off.

It was done.

Not much left to her name. The rest would be spent on gas and other daily life things. Such is the life of middle class citizen.

1.1 Overheard Conversation by Anna Rae

"We are only human, ya know?" says a woman on the other side of the bathroom stall in the locker-room.

Her companion agrees, but there seems to be some doubt in her agreement. Her tone is low and not convincing. the whole conversation before and after are not heard by the listener in the bathroom stall. That one small snip-bit of words leaves the listener in wondering about humanity and her own mistakes.

1.1 Observation by Anna Rae

What is humanity? Some would say we are created by some God or Goddess or some other supreme power. Some would say we are just random creatures that evolved from single-celled organisms. Whatever the case is, we are here and we are who we are.

I've always been a very observant person. I may play dumb sometimes, but I like gathering all the information around me. Humanity is one that has always kept me thinking, wondering, and at times, hating. I hate to generalize, but I've seen that most humans are selfish and idiotic. Both in different amounts, of course.

They cause war mainly due to hatred of another or for power; be it for land, money, or for other reasons. Humans also seem to be hypocrites. They preach love and kindness, but then some turn that and hate those who are different.

I have gathered so much information on this subject. Most of it is bad. However, there are some flickers of hope for humanity. There are those who love and want good for those who normally spit on their kindness. I may find myself hating humanity at times, but I know there is some good out there among the bad. Like one quote I found says, "There's some good in this world, and it's worth fighting for."

The Creative Writing List

Creative writing

1.1

Write various kinds of things, such as:

1)observation

2. Overheard conversation

3. Lists

4. Longings

5. Rough Draft letter

6. Fantasy conversation

7. Character names

8. Quotations from reading

9. Piece of your mind

10. Story ideas

11. Memory

12. Dream

13. Poem

14. Titles of things you're never going to write

1.2

List of lists

1. Things on which i am an expert

2. Signs of winter

3. This person has said to me

4. Things I have forgotten

5. Things I've lost

6. What is inside my body

7. What to take on a journey

8. Things to make lists of

Then pick an item and generate a list. Pick a word from your list and write a paragraph about it. Writer a line about each item on the list.

1.3

Go to a public place and make a list of all proper names And write a paragraph about what they mean or suggest to you.

1.4

Find 5 quotations. What attracted you to that combination of words?

1.5

Listen to a song and write your response to the music. Try not to use the lyrics.

1.6

Pick a prompt and free-write.

1. This journal is...

2. There was something about the way he...

3. The house we lived in. ..

4. In this dream I was...

5. She got it of the car...

6. The first thing I want in the morning...

Focus on Imagery

2.1

Open a book not intended to be a work of imagination. Identify abstractions, generalizations, and judgements. Pick 2 or 3 of them and invent an image that suggests each word. This is a sense impression, not a definition.

2.2

Begin with the largest general category you can that of- food, mineral, animal . Theh narrow the category step by step until you have a single detailed image. without naming the quality, Can you mate the image suggest an idea or direct our attitude toward the thing you described?

2.3

Pick a vivid passage and spoil it by replacing specific details with generalization, and judgements, Trade with another person and create a new and different passage by replacing generalizations with your own sensory details. Compare the results

2.4

write down a bumper sticker you like. Describe the car that its on, Open the door. describe the Smells and textures Name 3 objects you find. Name a 4th object that you're surprised to find. Here comes the owner. Describe them. what do they say?

2.5

write this poem. The 1st line consists of an abstraction , plus a verb, plus a place. The 2nd line describes attire. The 3rd line summarizes an action, Let it flow, don't worry too much about mating sense.

2.6

Quickly list as many clicked metaphors you can think of Then switch around the comparisons-Some of these may be fresh and apt. This will also help you to become aware of cliches and avoid them!

2.7

write about something banal You've done in the past few days. Then replace several nouns with other nouns that are in some way extreme or inappropriate to the subject, Find anything interesting?

2.8

write a paragraph about a thrilling or anguishing experience from your childhood or adolescence, Evoke the emotion you felt in images of all 5 Senses -Allow yourself whatever personification, Metaphor, or simile occurs to You, no malter how extreme.

2.9

write a paragraph or poem exploring your relationship with an animal or machine. Describe the animal or machine using at least 3 senses.

2.10

write a dialogue between 2 people one on a cell phone, the other on a landline. They disagree about something. Develop the disagreement with concrete details. we should learn where each of them is.