Please, I beg of you, just stop. Your need to be needed all the time is getting in the way of what you really want. Your self-destructive habits (while not through self harm) are dangerous and enough is enough. What happened to you? When did you go from making your own decisions to making none? Then again, I don't remember the last time you made a decision based on your own wants and desires. Why is that? Why did you do any of the things you've done? Do you have any self respect at all? Do you want the people you claim to love to respect you? Or do you secretly like all the degrading? Does it make you just depressed to find refuge in useless things and just angry enough to want to prove them wrong? More the prior than the latter as far as I am concerned. I remember the last time you were angered or inspired enough to do anything. Why did you give up on yourself? What rewards were you reaping that were so grand you allowed yourself to wear blinders for three fucking years? Don't you remember how disorienting it was when you were a child and you put no the cart bridle for your horse and you had no peripheral vision? Why would you accept that as a lifestyle? You cart pony. You pack mule. Why do you flinch at the idea of human contact? Why are you so anxiety ridden at the thought of taking care of business on our own. It's your troubles that need to be dealt with after all, so who do you expect to hold your hand? I mean honestly. What happens when life happens and death strikes again and you don't have someone to turn to anymore/ You are not as pathetic as you try to make yourself out to be, so just stop. Do better, try harder, and be the person you want to be - the person you started to be back in 2010 before you let something as natural as death break you down. Get over it, and get yourself together. I won't be around forever to make you see your true potential.
-Independence
