1.1.5 Things I Have Lost R.D.

• Keys
• Love / Lovers
• Friendship / Friends
• Ambition
• Pens
• Virginity
• Writings
• Inspiration
• My Father
• My Psuedo-Grandfather
• My Paternal Grandfather
• Sense of self
• Money
• Socks
• Silverware
• Tupperware / Tupperware Lids
• Cars
• Pets
• Relationship with my:  Sister, Uncle, Aunt, Grandma
• People's respect
• Toys from childhood
• Paperwork
• Bottles of soda
• Favorite restaurants (Wiseguy's Pizza & Chumley's Pizza)
• CDs and DVDs
• Books
• Board game pieces
• Child
• Remote Controllers (for TV / VCR / DVD)
• Strength (literal)
• Jewerly
• My Mind (at times)
• Goals
• Innocence / Naivete 
• Thoughts / Memories
• Spirituality
• Respect for Others
• Skills

1.1.12 Dream R.D.

I find it kind of frustrating how easily our dreams can change.  When I was a young kid in elementary school all I wanted was to be around animals.  I didn't care about the context.  My mom joked about me being a crazy cat lady/farm hand/vet.  Then later on the dream became to be a cop - any rank.  But eventually I dreamed of being detective.  The second highest rank in criminal justice.
"Why not captain?"
"Why be captain when you can be a detective?"
Then some told me how and why that was a terrible fit - and besides my mother hated it.  So I deterred myself to the paperwork:  court recorder, judge's secretary, paralegal.  Then the dream became just to be involved in criminal law.  All the excitement but none of the risk. Then I met a boy who had a child and suddenly all I wanted was to be a mom - which I had never factored into any of the previous options.  Being the best step-parent I could be became my driving force.  I even looked into the requirements to be a professional nanny.  Which ended up not falling into "dream job" category, even though I think I'd do well at it.  Now, though, I don't know what my dream is.  I don't stay up late at night thinking about things like that anymore.  I'm twenty years old and all I dream about is making due.  Don't step on any toes, and just keep quiet, and don't get overly ambitious.  I don't know how to fix it.  Even my dream of going to New York has lost it's gleam.  Unless it's handed to me.  I don't want to work towards something just to have the opportunity taken away from me.  I am so scared of losing my balance, or my grip, that I don't even really dream anymore - and that frightens me, it really, truly does.

1.1 Dream by Anna Rae

I dream of happiness.
I dream of joy departed.
I dream of sadness.
I dream of rain.
I dream of sunshine.
I dream of those I hate.
I dream of those I love.
I dream of those who love me.
I dream of lost loved ones.
I dream of the hospital.
I dream of the pain.
I dream of the hurt.
I dream of the meanness.
I dream of hope.
I dream of the future.
I dream of the past.
I dreams of my present.
I dream many dreams departed.
I dream in color.
I dream of despair.
I dream of birth.
I dream of crowns.
I dream of blood.
I dream
I dream
What good is a dream?
What do they accomplish?
They are wicked -
Destroious
Ridiculous
Embroils
Anguish
Melancholy
A dream can good
Or so they say -
Driving force
Remembrance
Embosoms
Achievements
Merriment
For which side you choose
Always dream.
For to dream is a gift.
To dream makes on worthy
of being called a dreamer
To dream
To dream
To dream
To dream

1.2.5 Things I’ve Lost

Things I've Lost

Purses, keys, shoes, socks, pens, lovers, babies, self-respect, self-esteem, poems, notebooks, ability to speak Korean, friends, homes, needles, pencil sharpeners, remotes, batteries, chargers, phones, games, movies, vocal range, flexibility, thoughts, earrings

A Line about Everything

Purses are only useful if they can carry your entire life. Keys don’t always unlock the right doors. Shoes should all come in my size. Socks are basically useless in the summer, Pens are one of the world’s biggest exchange programs. Lovers who don’t love you are just fuckers. Babies are miraculous, even when they’re gross. Self-respect is a big part of one’s identity. Self-esteem issues shouldn’t exist; everyone should know their own value. Poems get too wrapped up in rhymes. Notebooks are jumbled messes of human byproducts. Foreign languages should be easier than they are. Friends shouldn’t forget how to talk. Homes get lost in bad memories. Needles are everywhere, just not in haystacks. Pencil sharpeners aren’t as conveniently located as exits anymore. Remotes are a lazy man’s best friend. Batteries rule the world. Chargers should be universal (get with the program, Apple). Phones are too smart for their own good. Games cease to exist when you forget how to play. Movies set you up for disappointment. Vocal ranges are trickier to develop the second time. Flexibility decreases with age in all parts of the body, but especially in the mind. Lost thoughts linger on the edges of consciousness struggling with their self-worth. I never liked cherry earrings until he gave me a pair.

A Paragraph about One Thing

            I lost my self-respect slowly, over several years in a bad relationship. Everything was my fault. Everything was my job. I felt more like a servant than a partner by the end. And then I spent the next several months fucking anyone that was willing and had tequila. I’m never sure if that was me hitting rock bottom, or building back up…