There was something about the way he greeted me like an old friend the first time he met me.
There was something about that tipsy smile that I couldn't get enough of.
I felt so privileged when he let me sneak sips of his wine cooler, making me feel cool cuz I was "drinking".
There was something about the smile he wore saying "you're just too damn cute".
There was something about the messages he sent online that made me feel so special.
And the day he came to see the silly little high school play to take photographs because I asked him to.
And then after words he let my friend play with his camera while he and I talked privately.
There was something about the glimmer in his eyes when I agreed to give him my phone number.
And then he called me to give me his, but I got confused and he laughed when I answered the call.
There was something about the way he greeted me the first time I went to his place;
He wrapped his arms around me before he ever closed the door and kissed me,
Then pulled away, just enough, and asked how I was.
There was something about the way his voice sounded on the telephone - deep and seductive, always wanting more than I could give due to the miles between us.
There was something about the way and the timing when he apologized for all the wrong he'd done towards me.
I almost fell for it, but...
There was something about his tendency to blow me off.
There was something about the way he liked to disappear.
I miss him sometimes, but I know ultimately I am better off.
You truly are better off. But it still doesn't mean you can't remember and love the good things.
ReplyDeleteSometimes I wonder if it wouldn't be better if we really could erase our memories of a previous relationship, like in eternal sunshine. Idk.
ReplyDeleteSometimes I wonder about that too...but those relationships make us who we are.
DeleteTrust me, I think about this All The Time. Because, the moral of that movie was pretty much that erasing the memories doesn't do any good because if you're meant to be together it'll happen. Also, think about the valuable lessons or cherish-able memories you'd be missing out on. Like when Joel (the main character) forgot the song "Oh My Darling, Clemintine", that affected his other memories as well - not just the memories of his ex.
DeleteI think, over time, the memories just hurt less. The feelings are there, but you don't pine for them anymore. Or, you simply (and naturally) replace them with new and better memories. Over Long Amounts Of Time this happens, but it happens. But you have to want it to happen, you can't be madly in love with someone and make yourself forget how great they are. But you can forget how great you thought someone was while you are madly in love with someone else. And that's all we can hope for.
There are a few memories I wish I could erase, or even dull about this particular person, so I didn't always compare things to the way I felt when I was with him...but for now, they run rampant in my mind until I am in the company of someone else who makes me feel that special.