1.1.9 A Piece of My Mind R.D.

I feel I am beating a dead horse, but I am sick and tired of people - men - pretty much only talking to me because they want to have sex.  I mean, is it so uncommon to want to be with someone for something more?  And to be everything your partner wants you to be without having the ulterior motive of fucking?  I want to have a conversation without sex or fetishes being brought up.
"You were the best I ever had."
"I miss our phone sex conversations."
"I want to spend the night with you and see what happens."
NO!  Fuck you!  If you aren't interested in watching a movie with me and maybe just falling asleep then STEP OFF!  If you can't let go because I let you make me feel so guilty for not wanting sex, so guilty I just gave in because I felt obligated; if you just miss the obligation sex then just GO TO HELL!  I am seriously SO OVER IT!  I may not be the most confident person in the world, but I know myself better now and I am interesting and intellectual and I do not OWE you my body because you chose to talk to me.  If you're willing to honestly be more to me than just a penis, then you are much more likely to get a taste of my sexual desires.  But if that is your only goal, and you don't even feel the need to hide that fact, then you obviously have no respect for me and I DO NOT NEED YOU in my life.
I used to think having sex was the only way to get people to like you, but I don't believe that anymore.  And anyone who buys into that philosophy can take the next exit because I don't need that kind of poison running through my veins.  I am over hating myself and changing myself.  And if that means I live alone or with friends or with an abundance of animals than so be it.  There are worse fates than that.
Someday I will find someone who finds my tendency to be obsessed with unimportant things like TV to be cute, instead of annoying.  Or maybe I won't, and I'll be alone, and that'll be okay, too.  Cuz who could ever be more tolerant of my bad habits than me?  And besides, there are many more people out there who have spent their lives being much more selfless than I ever was, so they deserve that Happily Ever After ending that much more.

1.1 Memory

Taking another shot, he rubbed his temples and tried to keep the memories away. However, they kept trying to intrude. another shot down and his resistance waned.

"Hey...are you okay?" The voice of his daughter-in-law asked. She was a sweet girl. She was newly married to his step-son. She was a cute little thing with bright blue eyes. He didn't laugh much, but she had that charm about her that got passed his walls.

"Sure...why do you ask?"

"You look upset, Bob." She sat next to him and took a shot herself.

"Just the past is haunting me is all." He smiled.

"Ah...well...I know how that goes." She smiled and patted his hand, "If you ever need to talk...I'm here."

He sighed and removed his hand and took a shot. He never talked about the past...not even to Paula, his lovely wife, but for some reason his lips moved against his will. Perhaps one memory that kept him awake at night needed to be told...

The year of bloodshed, 1944

They pushed past the German front and his platoon was stationed on a hill overlooking a small French town. He didn't get why they couldn't be stationed in the town. But what did a mere 17 year old know? He tossed a little stick and sighed. Tom walked over and sat next to him and asked, "What's wrong, Bobby?"

"I'm outta smokes." He responded. But he never really smoked, he missed civilization.

"Ah, we could head down to the town if you want."

"We're now allowed to?" Tom nodded with a grin, "Then...what are we waiting for?" He jumped up. Tom laughed. Tom was a few years older then him. Tom was the only one who knew all his secrets. Tom was his buddy...the only one who cared about him.

The two of them headed down the hill. Some others followed. There wasn't much in the town. Most of the civilians left when the Germans took over. The town was barren and destroyed, but it was the closet Bob had gotten to civilization in what seemed an eternity. However, they had to be careful, because the Germans still had much of the area occupied. 

When they weren't gorillaing the Germans or sitting on that damn hill, they would make trips to that little town. Weeks passed like this.

Finally, the command was given to move out. The boys packed up their gear and headed down the hill.

"Thank fucking God." Tom said.

"Yeah." Bob chuckled and got behind Tom and in formation.

"We'll have to come back to that town when the war is over." Tom declared.

"Agreed." Bob smiled.

"Drink some wine and sleep in a feather bed in their hotel. If it ever re-opens. Maybe find a nice gi-"

BOOM!

"TAKE COVER!" Yelled one of the men.

Bob fell to his knees and grabbed his gun. He was a little disorientated. Was that a piece of skin on his shoulder? He shook his head and once his ears were finished ringing, he looked over at the carnage in front of him. His face paled, "T-Tom?"

Tom was no more...

An older Bob took another shot, "We went up and down that path a million times...gah. I don't get why it happened to him? Why not me? Why didn't I step on that land-mine?"

His daughter-in-law shrugged, "I'm not sure...I'm sorry though."

Bob shrugged and looked away, "It doesn't matter now...it's just a memory."

1.1.3 Lists R.D.

All I want is to have someone to lay my head on their lap and watch a movie with them, without them complaining about their knees getting stiff, or complain about getting a hard-on.

I want to have someone be willing to pick me up, and take me out, and drive me back home, and not complain about gas money, or complain about me falling asleep in the car after a long day.

I want someone who's first thought in the morning isn't about how long they should wait until asking for a sexual favor.

I want someone who doesn't expect anything from me, other than expect me to be myself and to be happy.

I want someone to build a life with, to create goals with, to share accomplishments with.

I want someone who isn't preoccupied with sex.  Maybe someone who is preoccupied with work, or having a family, or reading good books, or watching underrated movies.

I want someone who has more than just three things in common with me.

I want someone who doesn't get annoyed when I want them to hang out with my friends.  I want someone who has friends I look forward to hanging out with.

I want someone who appreciates animals enough that, even though it may not be the most practical decision, doesn't roll their eyes when I say I want to get a puppy/dog/pet.

I want someone to defend me, regardless of who is right, when I'm arguing with someone else.

I want someone to help support me when I need it, and accept support when they need it.

I want someone who doesn't think these desires are too demanding.