1.1.9 A Piece of My Mind R.D.

I feel I am beating a dead horse, but I am sick and tired of people - men - pretty much only talking to me because they want to have sex.  I mean, is it so uncommon to want to be with someone for something more?  And to be everything your partner wants you to be without having the ulterior motive of fucking?  I want to have a conversation without sex or fetishes being brought up.
"You were the best I ever had."
"I miss our phone sex conversations."
"I want to spend the night with you and see what happens."
NO!  Fuck you!  If you aren't interested in watching a movie with me and maybe just falling asleep then STEP OFF!  If you can't let go because I let you make me feel so guilty for not wanting sex, so guilty I just gave in because I felt obligated; if you just miss the obligation sex then just GO TO HELL!  I am seriously SO OVER IT!  I may not be the most confident person in the world, but I know myself better now and I am interesting and intellectual and I do not OWE you my body because you chose to talk to me.  If you're willing to honestly be more to me than just a penis, then you are much more likely to get a taste of my sexual desires.  But if that is your only goal, and you don't even feel the need to hide that fact, then you obviously have no respect for me and I DO NOT NEED YOU in my life.
I used to think having sex was the only way to get people to like you, but I don't believe that anymore.  And anyone who buys into that philosophy can take the next exit because I don't need that kind of poison running through my veins.  I am over hating myself and changing myself.  And if that means I live alone or with friends or with an abundance of animals than so be it.  There are worse fates than that.
Someday I will find someone who finds my tendency to be obsessed with unimportant things like TV to be cute, instead of annoying.  Or maybe I won't, and I'll be alone, and that'll be okay, too.  Cuz who could ever be more tolerant of my bad habits than me?  And besides, there are many more people out there who have spent their lives being much more selfless than I ever was, so they deserve that Happily Ever After ending that much more.

1.1 Piece of Your Mind by Anna Rae

Generally, I'm a bottler. I bottle things in and don't express how I feel. I don't give someone a piece of my mind like they probably deserve. However, once the bottle inside me is full...I explode. It may be over something tiny and not explode-worthy. Once in a while, I explode on someone who doesn't really deserve it.

My "exploding" ranges. Sometimes I'll cry and be angry; for some reasons tears like to leak when I'm angry. On rare occasions, though, I turn into a devil. I yell and insult and punch walls; I very well can't punch you, can I? But yes...I have a temper my biological father would be proud of. It is one trait I gained from him. Limited people have actually seen and witnessed this. My poor parents and 2 friends have seen this sad event.

I really need to learn not to bottle my emotions. It's bad for the psyche and for the person who will cause the explosion. When one really and truly deserves to get a piece of my mind, I should bestow that. Granted, it'll be done calmly. It's also healthy for relationships to be honest and share your emotions. Unless it is petty. Like when a certain lover of mine leaves dishes on the floor. I want to strangle him, but I ignore it and don't confront him, because it is indeed petty and not worth my time.

I really have been wanting to go to therapy and help me out with this and other issues I have bottled up in me. Luckily, work has 5 sessions for free for their employees. I really feel and know bottling is my biggest issue.