1.6.6 The First Thing I Want In The Morning R.D.

The first thing I want in the morning is to roll over and go back to sleep.  Followed by food - but I know if I eat too soon after waking up, then I'll feel cruddy most of the day.  Then I usually want to pee - which usually intensifies the desire to eat.  Then, if food didn't wake me up, I usually think about going to get coffee, but I usually determine it isn't worth the time or the money.  Then I decide to check social media sites (not just Facebook), and there is usually a number of things waiting for me there.  And usually that takes a few hours out of my morning.  Then I sometimes want to watch a movie, or read a book, so I indulge myself and suddenly it's lunchtime!
This is on a weekend morning, of course.

On weekday mornings I am forcing myself out of bed, forcing myself into a bra, and rushing out the door.  Perhaps grabbing a drink (water or soda) on my way out of the door.  And in winter that also includes sitting in my freezing car letting it warm up before gunning it to work.  Then I sit at work and wish I'd made breakfast or coffee.  Then as soon as it is acceptable to, I am digging for dollars for the Snack Time display so I can put something in my stomach. I always regret this, and yet I do nothing to change it.
There must be a name for behavior like this...

1.6.5 She Got It Out Of The Car R.D.

She was running late, so she rushed inside, only to realize she had left her specialty sugared coffee in the car.  She needed it this morning, but upon entering the office she was immediately bombarded with tasks, questions, and phone calls.  So she put her purse in it's special hiding place (the third filing cabinet drawer), hung her keys on the random screw in the wall that had no other purpose, and settled into her chair.  She spun around to her desk (aka her stacks of papers, her un-read e-mails, the phone list, etc.)  The next time she looked at the clock it was damn near 11:30am, morning was almost over, but she had time to retrieve her coffee so she did.  It was cooled, but sugared coffee never tasted bad.  She swished the contents around by moving the cup in a circular motion with her hand.  The sweetness was welcome.  Not only would she be energized, but she could trick her body into not needing lunch for a few more hours.  She didn't have an eating disorder, she had a "lack of motivation to make lunch for work" disorder; so maybe saving the coffee was a good idea.  The mix of coffee, caramel, and chocolate was perfect and she forgot about the dollars she had handed across the barista that morning.  

She knew how overpriced her favorite coffee drink was, but on mornings like this, she couldn’t resist.  Besides she loved the feeling inside coffee shops.  Homey, warm, like you could easily fall into a good book, or into a conversation with a stranger, or fall in love.

She thought she had fallen in love when she was in a coffee shop once.  Back before life made her grow up a bit; when sneaking off to a coffee shop to meet someone was the highlight of her week (or her month).  On mornings like this, she couldn’t resist going into coffee shops to feel that way again.

1.6.4 In This Dream I Was... R.D.

In this dream I had, we made sense.  The rest of the people didn't see it, but we made the most of every moment we spent together, we smiled and laughed and the whole time people were saying "You can do so much better," but I didn't understand how they saw it that way.  And your dad always had the same disapproving look on his face whenever he saw us together, but we were so convinced we were going to prove a point.  Then we were engaged and we agreed on everything - a small ceremony and your favorite song and the colors we chose.  And we were so happy as we walked over the threshold to our new place.  And eventually the rest of the world fell away and it was just us, but we didn't notice much because we were just so damn happy together.
But then - as all dreams do - it was over, and I woke up.  And in the morning you said you didn't think we agreed on anything, and you said I was a great friend, and you told me not to fall in love with you.  And then you were gone and my bed was empty, and then days passed by and our communication limited and my stomach churned and I couldn't focus on a damn thing besides how much I miss you.  I don't know how this happened.  How this "new you" I met after a year of not knowing you changed how I felt so much.  And I don't know if/when I should tell you all of this because the timing always seems wrong.  Besides -

"...these words were never easier,

For me to say,

Or you to second guess..."

1.5 Song Lyrics

For this I picked on of my favorite songs of all time, but one of my favorite bands of all time. It just popped on randomly on my mp3 player when I began on this entry, so it must be fate.

Song - "Mr. Brightside" by The Killers

A great intro beat. You can just feel what this song is going to be about. I just can't help, but imagine the movie Moulin Rouge. I think the band made a nod to this.

Loving someone who shouldn't be loved, but you can't help but love them, because 1) he/she belongs to another and 2) It's bound to fail. However, you bound to love them...it's fate. Perhaps another reason you can't love, is because you were just released from another relationship or situation. It may be clouding you in your judgement, but you think your fine, but maybe you are. Who knows? Back to the love. This person love you too, but life is in the way. You both know this can't be and jealousy is driving you slightly mad. There are lies, deceit, love, jealousy, but you try to remain positive. Maybe she/he will leave their situation or you'll come to your senses and leave. The latter is doubtful and you the chances is highly unlikely. In which you are stuck in a cage of your own making.

1.3 Public Places & Proper Names by Anna Rae

Davison Rd
It's slightly odd Davison owns a Davison Rd. Normally cities have only other city named roads. Maybe Davison's creator was arrogant and super proud, so he deemed they needed a Davison Rd.


VG: Food Market & Pharmacy
For some reason when I say, "VG" out-loud, I can't but imagine a vegan. I always cringe though, because I then think about all the animals I kill for my meals.

Starbucks Coffee
I instantly think of the logo and the lady on it. I don't quite understand it. I think and think, but it makes no sense how it relates to the products or name. I wish I had more money to go there more often, but it's an expensive version of Tim Hortons.

ELGA Credit Union
I always think of Kaitlyn, my friend of a million years. She works at a Credit Union bank. I would love to work at a bank or a job like that. However, they don't offer a lot of money or hours

Davison Family Barber Shop
Old men go to Barber shops. How can this be a "family". Well, the old men probably take the younger boys to raise them to go to barber shops in the future.

Blue Rhino
I wish rhinoes were blue. Where did they come up with this? I can see the blue, because the product is blue, but where did they rhino come up? I remember thinking, in my youth, that this was a curse or whatever that would turn a human or other creature into a blue rhino. Ah, innocence and imagination.

Sonic
I always think of the two weeks I spent in Oklahoma for my cousin Jenny's wedding. It was a lot of fun. My Aunt and I always went to Sonic for Happy Hour; we'd both get large cherry Limades. Yummah.

Doogies
Dogs. Whenever someone says or I read this name, dog. I then remember my old dog Moe. He was my best friend for years even though he was an idiot. I miss him and having my own dog. My parents have 2 dogs, but they are my moms. Maybe one day boyfriend and I will get a dog.

Liquer Tobacco Outlet
Goodness do I miss smoking. I gave it up over a year ago. Once in a while I sneak one with one of my friends (espeically when drinking), but I am not a smoker anymore. Its a good thing. I save my lungs and money. However, I miss it.

Muffler Man
Don't ask me why, but since I was a wee thing I always think of muffins when this place is seen or mentioned. Its odd. Then I get a hankering for muffins. Good thing I ignore this feeling, because I go to Muffler Man and the sticker is on my front window.

AMP Energy Drink
I always envision an amplifier. Which then makes me think of a rock band. Which then reminds me of the time my Dad was in a band. The mind is a funny thing.

John's Pizzeria
Every time I pass this, I think or say out-loud, "I want to go there." However, Boyfriend always reminds me that it is expensive. One of the times after this scenario, he went on to tell me of this pizza he ate in Chicago. Now, my mind goes to Chicago pizza. Yum.

Allure: Salon Spa
I really should take better care of my skin and soul. I do alright, but I could be better. Maybe I should do my makeup and hair more often. Meh, too lazy sometimes.

Gale Road
Just the name makes one think of my mom's ex-friend, which then I remember her daughter. Whenever, I think of that ex-friend I recall dancing in the street with those sparkler things on the 4th of July.

1.2 Taking Apart Your List by Anna Rae

From "What's Inside My Body":

• Cautiousness
• Anger
• Regret
• Ovaries
• Love
• Eagerness
• Resentment
• Ambition
• Excitement
• Self-hatred
• Zeal for bettering myself
• Yesterdays pains
• Memories
• A rational mind
• Negativity
• Self-control
• Kindness
• Imagination

Paragraph

Yesterday's pain is in my body. I had a really tough childhood and I carry the scars from those pains. I was abandoned by my  biological father, who was suppose to love me forever. I grew up a couple steps above poverty, thanks to my Grandpa for taking us in. When I was in 5th grade, I was in the hospital for nearly 2 months and due to that battle, I gained ten scars, which would cause others to label me as a "freak". I soon became a nobody and I turned to food for comfort. Due to this, I gained weight and the bullying was worse. Things did get better by Freshmen year of High School. However, I still bare the scars of yesterday's pains. 

Sentences

-I'm very cautious about everything in life; I will rarely take a risk.

-I may seem bubbly and happy, but I have an angry side of me. 

-Regrets are always on my mid; I wish the time machine existed. 

-I have ovaries, which I wish I can use one day.

-Though I'm angry, I have a deep rooted love for those that deserve it.

-I have an eagerness to learn and expand my horizons.

-I have a deep rooted resentment who abuse my love and trust.

-Ambition is in my soul; I want to climb to the top.

-I have a tendency to be very excitable. 

-My self-hatred haunts me, because I feel I am not good enough.

-There is a small zeal for wanting to better myself and become that person I imagine myself to be.

-Memories are either haunting me or putting a small smile on my face.

-Overall, my mind is rational; emotions rarely take over. 

-The glass is half-empty, says my negativity.

-I was bred to have self-control and never lose my cool; except for cookies.

-It may be faked and forced or utterly genuine, but I am kind. 

-I have always had an imagination that swims in my mind; I should become a writer. 

1.4 Quotes by Anna Rae

Very funny, but after moving I gathered all my writings and etc into two boxes (which I needed two for there were a lot) and bought them to my apartment. In the mist of this I found a sheet of paper with 7 random quotes on it. It was dated 1/25/2009/ Great timing for this entry. I'll pick my 5 favorites:

1) "Secrets are made to be found out by time." - Charles Sanford

It's such a true oxymoron. All secrets in a way, will be found out. It could be days, months, or even generations later. Time has a way of eroding the tongue of secrets.

2) "Bitterness imprisons life; love releases it." - Harry Emerson

One of the best ways to put it. Bitterness is the prison bars, while love is the key to release life. I just love it.

3) "The one who loves you will make you weep." - Argentine Proverb

I just love how you can look at this two ways due to the word "weep" they use. It can be of joy or sorrow. Hell, perhaps both.

4) "There would be no passion in this world if we never had to fight for what we love." - Susie Switzer

I just love how this is worded. Passion and love can be put on anything. Power, a person, an idea, and etc. This is a fun quote to maul over.

5) "There is no passion to be found playing small - in settling for a life that less than the one you are capable of living." - Nelson Mandela

Firstly, I just love the way he states the old saying, "Don't settle in life." It's so poetic sounding. I've always tried to not settle, though it is tempting, but this is so motivating too. 

Voice

Develop your voice in writing by saying things as Clearly, precisely, and vividly as you can. Use a rich vocabulary. This is also important in developing a character's voice. This requires an imaginative leap into the mind of another person.Developing a character's voice is a good way to create more believable characters.

Some vocabulary words for voice development:

Persona- the version of yourself that you reveal when you write

Irony-saying one thing but meaning another

Point of View- 1St person telling a Story from your perspective. 2nd person involves directly addressing the reader as part of your Story. 3rd person is told from the narrator's perspective. 1St and 3rd are most Common.

Distance between the author and reader is determined by word choices, from the formal language involving full names and titles to the informal 2nd person address.

Try This:

3.1
Pick 3 of these words and write an image in words of a person who fits each of them. (Stuck-up, snobbish, arrogant, haughty imperious)
Pick one of the following words and list as many synonyms for it as you can, (awesome, shabby, weird, far, smart, red) Then pick 3 of those synonyms and produce a word image to express each. How do the images differ?

3.2
Imagine (remember?) that you have borrowed ( "borrowed") a car and been involved in a fender bender. write an explanation for the police report. write a monologue explaining the accident to the car's owner. write a letter telling about it to a friend who thinks you're Super Cool.

3.3
Pick a story from today's newspaper about an outrageous or terrible event. write a paragraph about it in the tone of an official who considers it politically necessary (3.3.1) a Sunday School teacher explaining it as God's will (3.3-2), or a social scientist analyzing it for current trends (3.3.3). write a paragraph about a trivial matter (ie- dividing a cootie, breaking a fingernail) in a tone of outrage.

3.4
write a Short character Sketch of someone in your family, Write a monologue in which that person tells you an anecdote from their childhood.

3.5
Go back to your character from 2.4. find a few more details to describe that Character. Then pick a trigger line from those below and use them to start a monologue in that character's voice.

1. I don't normally dress this way but...
2. I had a dream last night...
3. I'll tell you what doesn't make any Sense...
4. I'm sorry, I didn't see you...
5. what I need is some kind of work that...
6. I remember when you could...

3.6
write about a situation in which you were badly stressed.
1. write about it in the 1st person from the point of view of Someone else who was present,
2. write in 2nd person, trying to mate the reader identify and "become you."

3.7
Take any passage you have written in 1st person and rewrite it in 3rd person observer.

3.8
write a Speech in which a character strings cliches or jargon together. Let this characterize them. Mate sore you can still sympathize with them.

3.9
write a poem or a few paragraphs in 1st person about what you hate about your body. What tone will you choose? laughing at yourself, grieving, wry, angry, etc?

3.10
write a "Modest proposal" on an issue thatyou really care about and "solve" it with a solution drastically worse than the problem in the form of a letter to the editor.

3.11
Identify a"social problem" that you don't think is actually a problem, write 2 pages, or 600 words, arguing your point. Bonus points for comedy.

3.12
Pick a story from your life and retell it in the Voice of 1) a cowboy, 2) a cop, 3) a cultured bibliophile, 4) a preacher

3.13
write from the point of view of anything not human- an insect, an android, a potato, a belly button, whatever. Try to invent and develop a diction that represents the frame of reference. Example: if you are writing from the POV of a shoe, it's likely to have an extensive knowledge of and opinions about flooring but a limited concept of the Sky or human heads.

3.14
write a poem about a movie, cartoon, or pop song. In the persona of the poet make a different point that the original.

3.15
An ode is a serious An ode is a serious meditative lyric poem that treats a noble subject in a dignified manner. write an oduto something hip, pop, trivial, or trashy that you really love.

1.6.3 The House We Lived In R.D.

The house we lived in when I was a kid went through many changes - and I always thought that was really cool.  Some people move around a lot and have multiple homes growing up, but I got to have a house that grew with me.  Starting as a three bedroom, two bathroom modular home with a two-car garage.  Then adding a bedroom, that eventually turned into a storage space, and a pole barn and a horse barn and sheds and pools and pastures and gardens, until finally we had a four bedroom, three bathroom, with optional fifth bedroom home that hardly resembled the original structure.  I may have hated the work that went into it when I was a kid but I appreciate the outcome.  I could only hope that I would one day be as ambitious and talented as my parents.  They had everything they ever wanted either through hard work or building/making what they wanted.  I never appreciated the greatness of that as a kid, because that's just how things were in my house.  We didn't wait for other people to fix or change things, my parents were in constant motion and therefore our house, or life, was ever changing.  I remember writing about this in my college essay and my mom was so happy that she had provided me with such a fulfilling life that I so easily found something to write about and attribute to my flexibility and aptitude to change.  It's amazing the things you don't notice or don't pay attention to or appreciate when we are growing up - so preoccupied with ourselves and how we are doing/making it through the next day.  I am so grateful to my parents for giving me the stability of one childhood home.  Some may view that as a disadvantage (including myself sometimes) but overall I had a great childhood and I hope I am able to keep my childhood home in the family for many generations to come.  So I guess that also means I had better start learning about how to fix things in a house.

1.6.2 There Was Something About the Way He... R.D.

There was something about the way he greeted me like an old friend the first time he met me.
There was something about that tipsy smile that I couldn't get enough of.
I felt so privileged when he let me sneak sips of his wine cooler, making me feel cool cuz I was "drinking".
There was something about the smile he wore saying "you're just too damn cute".
There was something about the messages he sent online that made me feel so special.
And the day he came to see the silly little high school play to take photographs because I asked him to.
And then after words he let my friend play with his camera while he and I talked privately.
There was something about the glimmer in his eyes when I agreed to give him my phone number.
And then he called me to give me his, but I got confused and he laughed when I answered the call.
There was something about the way he greeted me the first time I went to his place;
He wrapped his arms around me before he ever closed the door and kissed me,
Then pulled away, just enough, and asked how I was.
There was something about the way his voice sounded on the telephone - deep and seductive, always wanting more than I could give due to the miles between us.
There was something about the way and the timing when he apologized for all the wrong he'd done towards me.
I almost fell for it, but...
There was something about his tendency to blow me off.
There was something about the way he liked to disappear.
I miss him sometimes, but I know ultimately I am better off.